M A Hannan, teacher at Amartali High School in Phulbani thana (Dinajpur) says, “I was motivated to join the campaign as I see this as a bold effort; it has raised an issue that people prefer not to discuss. As a teacher I think this campaign has taught me many valuable lessons that I would like to pass on to others.

I have eight brothers and all of them are violent towards their wives. They also severely curtail their wives’ mobility. I am also not blameless. I never thought much about domestic violence being degrading or life-endangering until I chanced upon the communication material of the campaign. When I read it, I was struck with the realisation of just how unfair we men are. I realised that there cannot be development if women are allowed to participate in the process. If women, who comprise a huge population group, are suppressed and their health, mobility, sexuality and resource-use remain controlled there can be no progress. I also realised that if men continue to behave like this they would be throwing their own daughter’s lives into peril. I knew I would be doing so if I continued to ill treat my wife.

I have changed completely. Let me tell you how by giving a simple example. One day, I had to make a trip to Dinajpur and I expected to return only at nightfall. Unexpectedly, my work got done before lunch and I hurried home for a meal. I did not wish to waste money buying expensive lunch at the bus stop. Much to my dismay, when I came home I found the house locked. Assuming that I would come home only after evening my wife had taken the kids to her uncle’s home. Earlier this would have upset me immeasurably. But it did not bother me this time. I went back to the bus stop and bought myself a meal. My wife, too, is a graduate and I now know that we are partners and she should be treated as one.

Both of us have now started to help out distressed women in our neighbourhood. Women are always expected to be the epitome of love, patience and sacrifice. They are expected to behave in a certain way; the unwritten code being that they can never use physical force against men. So in essence, women are made defenceless. To counter this, I have taken to being part of the shaileeshs to resolve problems that women find difficult to tackle on their own. In many cases, I personally approach the families so that I can help resolve problem in their homes in the absence of the prying eyes of neighbours.

I have a friend who would constantly beat his wife and complain that she was never at home to attend to his needs. I took to observing their lifestyle for a while. His wife, I noticed, spent all her time slogging in the paddy fields and looking after their livestock. She would rush home to cook, tend to their children, attend to the household chores and then rush back to the fields. I then approached my friend. I told him he had two options. If he felt his wife did not spend enough time at home, he needed to either sell his land and livestock or do the work himself so that his wife has time to be at home. He was resentful of my suggestion at first. But he has now mellowed down and helps his wife a bit.”